


Risk and Reward

by EloquentSavage



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Porn, Hot, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EloquentSavage/pseuds/EloquentSavage
Summary: Post season 2 ep 6. All that talk of risk got me thinking. This is a steamy emotional little ficlet from Bane's POV. Unbeta'd. If you guys are into it, let me know and I'll write more ;)





	

“I don't need to be special, Magnus,” Alec said solemnly. His expression softened when he looked up and found Magnus waiting patiently. 

He had no idea what to do about how his past affected Alec. In his time he'd learned either people were moved deeply enough to look past the things that bothered them, or they weren't. Alec was different though. His life was so brutal and full of suffering. He killed as easy as he took breath. He knew violence like an old accustomed friend. Love though, Alec barely knew anything of love outside a family that was just like him. The promise of love sat behind his eyes, sparkling with life, waiting to be unlocked. A precious treasure he'd hidden away. Alec was the kind of man who knew how to live with discomfort. If something bothered him, he would push it aside and pretend it didn't matter if it interfered with his goal. He would live with that suffering he'd chosen for the rest of his life if he had to. Magnus knew. He used to be the same way. 

Magnus sighed quietly and took a step closer to Alec. He reached out and took Magnus’s hand, folding it inside his larger one with eager hopefulness. Alec wanted good things, he needed them, but he had to come to them on his own. His heart ached for all the good things he wanted to give Alec, but he had talked people into doing what they really wanted to do before and it never ended well. Maybe it was Alec's fate to suffer through Magnus’s careful phase. Maybe all the things he'd learned over the years, and all the ways he tiptoed around the world would fall away someday, but today, he was careful, and Alec had to live with it. They all did. 

“You are very special to me, Alec,” Magnus assured him. “I've proven that by being here and telling you how I feel. If you're not looking for a grand gesture, I'm not sure how else I can help you.”

“No, I--” Alec sighed impatiently. “Maybe I do want to be special, but I don't want to wake up to a rose garden in my bedroom, or whiskey made by trolls. I want something real.” 

“Real?” Magnus scoffed. He was immersed to his eyeballs in ‘real’ since Alec came along, but his worldview was so narrow, it wouldn't do either of them any good for Magnus to be self righteous about it. “The liqueur was made by Nymphs, not Trolls, and it's a very mild aphrodisiac. It tastes like chocolate. It's a Valentine's Day gift.” 

“Valentine?” Alec barked. His scowl vanished as he put Magnus’s words together correctly, after the fact. “The mundane holiday, with the big red hearts?” 

“Yes, many of my friends celebrate, and you know me,” Magnus smiled. “Any excuse.” Alec pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded. He wasn't sold. “Something real to you means something familiar,” Magnus offered. “You want me to show you I'm willing to live your life, with you, because you don't want to lose who you are while you're chasing me.” 

Watching Alec's expression roll through the tidal wave of emotions he invariably stirred up every time he laid the truth bare, thrilled Magnus. He was a realm of emotional riches just waiting for permission to be set free. Proving he understood without having to be told was as good as handing Alec a key. His connection to Jace put that kind of unspoken love on a very high pedestal, but Magnus knew how dangerous it was to never put into words how one felt. He loved words and all the power they held. He watched Alec struggle to find his, knowing in the end whatever he said would surprise Magnus, and that was a very rare thing, indeed. 

“You've had hundreds of years to live your life,” Alec forced out finally. He shifted closer to Magnus and took both of his hands. He wanted to be heard, but when he was so close, it was much more difficult to think of anything besides kissing him. “This life is what I know. I need you to come to me right now. Neither of us can make any promises about later, but right now, I need you.” Alec took a deep shaky breath and looked at Magnus like he was bracing himself for rejection. 

“Alexander, I would bring the moon to your doorstep if you needed it, just tell me. I'll give you anything within my power,” Magnus promised. 

“I don't need the moon,” Alec stated. “I need everything to stop changing. I need the institute back, and Jace, I--” Alec's eyes shined with unshed tears. He was so overwhelmed it broke Magnus’s heart. “I want this all to be over, and we can accomplish that better together.” 

“Things change, Alexander,” Magnus said. “Maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe this is how things get better. How do we know until we see it through?” 

“I'm not asking you to put it all back exactly like it was,” Alec argued. “I want to make it better. I want us to fix it, together.” 

“You know I can't get involved in Shadow--”

“Yes you can,” Alec pressed. “You can for me. You've done it before.” 

He wasn't happy about what Alec was asking for, but he couldn't say he didn't feel it coming. “You want to be so special I'll break all my rules for you,” Magnus smiled. Alec looked at him with worried eyes, silently and subtly begging Magnus to prove Alec was really worth that much to him. “Rules that will keep me safe long after you're gone and can't protect me anymore,” Magnus pointed out. Guilt flashed across Alec's eyes, then vanished as quick as it came. “But that's what you want, isn't it?” Magnus asked. “You want me to do for you exactly what you're willing to do for me, but do you really love me that much?” 

Alec's lips parted like he was willing to profess his undying love, but he didn't. The idea was absurd. Like a man afraid of heights suddenly taking up bungee jumping. Alec didn't suddenly change. He still needed permission. Magnus closed the space between them, taking a more aggressive approach than usual. If there was ever a time to indulge himself, standing at the brink of ruin was it. He kissed Alec, sweet and gentle, and the way Alec kissed him back took his breath away. Whatever happened, Magnus had to give as much as he asked of Alec. He just didn’t understand how different they were yet. 

Alec pulled away to take his jacket off, but Magnus stopped him. “You think you're the only one risking something because you're willing to put your life on the line.” He pushed the jacket off Alec’s shoulders and rested his fingers on his top button hopefully. “You think dying for love is the greatest sacrifice you can make, but what about living without you after you're gone?” 

Pain stung him more fiercely than he expected as the words left his mouth, burning a trail from his frozen lungs to his heavy heart. He didn’t get much of a chance to wallow in it though. The needy, rough way Alec kissed him took the edge off, but every touch, every kiss they exchanged was full of despair and longing like Magnus had never felt. He could imagine living without everyone he'd ever loved because he did it. He suffered, but he survived. The thought of losing Alec was like a giant wall he just couldn't climb, no matter how hard he tried. 

Love and affection didn't make it easier, it only distracted him, but he wanted that distraction desperately. He needed it if he was expected to survive it. He followed Alec’s frantic desire across the room blindly. Then Alec fumbled as he guided Magnus toward the couch, and Magnus remembered exactly who Alec was, and why being so impulsive might not be good for him. 

“Wait,” Magnus said as Alec dropped his shirt on the floor. His hands circled Magnus’s chest, pulling him close again before he paused to listen. “Where is this going? Where does it stop?” he asked. Alec searched his face like he didn’t understand. “You don’t want your first time to be an impulsive romp on my couch because we’re scared of the future.” 

“Yes I do.” Alec kissed him again, but this time his hands dropped below his waist, tugging at his belt buckle impatiently. Magnus braced a hand against his shoulder, stopping him again. “No,” Alec sighed. “I know what I want. I don’t need it to be special, I need real, and this is real.” 

“So all I have to do to have you is lay myself completely bare, risking my life and all my future happiness just to prove I will?” Magnus asked. 

“To prove you can,” Alec said softly before he pressed his lips to Magnus’s forehead. “Prove to me you will, later.” 

“To what end?” Magnus pressed. “Are you going to ask me to marry you? Move to Idris? Raise a gaggle of little Shadowhunters together?” 

“Would you?” Alec asked. 

The hope in his eyes was so sharp, and so real, Magnus felt like he was drowning in it. Alec kissed him again, pressing his lips open, demanding the desire he knew was there, and Magnus realized he was drowning. He was dying and a new person was taking his place. Someone who believed in true love. Someone who could follow Alec into the life he wanted and flourish there. He wanted to be that person more than he wanted to protect himself. He’d lived too many lifetimes behind the safety of power. It was time to find safety somewhere else. 

“I would,” Magus whispered quickly when Alec released him for a moment. Alec stopped, his lips hovering dangerously close, then he smiled and his eyes lit up like Magnus had given him a gift beyond compare. It was impossible not to smile with him. 

“I do love you that much,” Alec said and his smile vanished. Something different and more urgent took it’s place. Something Magnus wanted more than anything else. 

After so many years of quiet, easy loneliness, he finally had a painful, demanding life to live again, and he welcomed it with open arms.


End file.
